When I was a kid the biggest concern my mom had for me was being kidnapped.

Now I’m having conversations with your daycare about lock downs.

Its bedtime and I lay next to you rubbing your back and head, watching your eyes get heavier.

On your belly, face turned towards me, I observe your body rise and fall with each breath.

What does this country hold for you?

Does being American mean anything anymore?

The thought of moving back to the safe, conservative town where I was raised crossed my mind.

But are we safer there than in our current city?

Keeping you in a bubble isn’t an option.

Gone are my days of leisurely strolls from the parking lot to the storefront.

Goodbye to our park runs.

Cute heels and styled hair are exchanged for a pair of flats and a ponytail just in case.

Now I dress for battle outside our front door.

For I am your shield; I will protect you.

Who will stabilize our country?

I pray.

I pray for God and the angels above to watch over you, our family and our friends.

I pray for those who have lost loved ones at the hands of evil.

I pray for families and friends to find comfort and peace of mind.

I pray for our community leaders to do the right thing and guide our people out of this mess.

I pray for greed to be put to an end.

I pray for those who are tormented. May they be shown love and kindness they’ve never known before.

Breaking the rules of every parenting handbook related to healthy toddler sleeping habits, I keep you close to me at night.

Your curly hair tickles my nose.

For no one knows what tomorrow will bring.

Blog inspired by this horrific tragedy in El Paso, Texas and my genuine love and concern for my child.